I haven’t written in a while because life has been kind of busy : a good kind of busy.
This past weekend I took a mini vacation with the man who is sharing his life with me.
Let me begin by telling some of you who may be searching for the right type of relationship, that I never thought this was possible for me. After being married 19 years to the same person, and father of my children, I thought romantic types of love were in a story book, and not possible for me.
I have to tell you guys that this past weekend I learned that none of us are perfect, and that we all have to look within ourselves to see where we have gone wrong in relationships in the past, and not repeat that behavior.
It is not true that in past relationships the other person was at fault all the time.
We have to reflect upon our own behaviors, our own fears, and our own insecurities, and see where we made mistakes.
I, for one, realize that in my past relationship I had no patience due to disappointment.
Some of us become so intense and annoying that it’s impossible for the other person to love us freely.
Oh here goes the story…
We decided to rent Jet Ski’s and I have to say that I was super excited to go on this beautiful 2 hour ride. However, as he started driving the Jet Ski, which was NEW by the way, the Jet Ski kept on shifting right and he would get nervous and stop it completely.
I was sitting in the back praying that I didn’t fall off with my big booty!!!
I did notice I was starting to lose my patience and complaining throughout more than half of the ride.
I never once thought about how he could be feeling when driving for the first time out in the ocean (he had a previous experience where he was shipwrecked). All I was thinking about is how annoyed I was that I wasn’t seeing dolphins, that he was hauling ass, and that I was going to fall.
I was also annoyed that I had a rash between my legs and the salty water was making it burn, I kept on complaining about my knee hurting and how he was driving like shit.
In other words, I was starting to display the same patterns that I used to display in my marriage. A lack of self-control when things don’t go my way or when I don’t have control over a situation .
At one point we almost crashed into a post and I decided to turn it around and use humor to lessen the tension. I quickly gathered myself and vowed to stop complaining and enjoying the moment. Repeating the same type of behaviors and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
I immediately started thanking him for such a beautiful ride because it really was beautiful, and realized that the parts that were not so beautiful were because I didn’t stop bitching the whole ride.
What is it that you did in your past relationship that you will not repeat? It takes two to make a thing go right, like the song says… So what is it that you need to make right… for me, it’s realizing that when things don’t go my way, I need to take a deep breath and just go with it, being a control freak makes you loose the moment.